The Trouble with Lying
The trouble with lying, aside from putting forward a deliberately false statement (and seeking to gain an advantage/avoid something undesirable) is that behind liars are often people who have faith in them. We all have at one time or another told a ‘white’ lie or two. Nobody is perfect My focus here is more on the kind of lies, that when discovered, will be devastating to those who trusted that the lie was truth.
Lies and deception aggressively and passive aggressively take power away from others. When people lie, they remove your right of reply to the truth of the matter, and your right to make a decision based on knowing the whole truth. For a liar, this is akin to holding the winning hand in a rigged poker game and being privy to knowledge that the other parties are not. When you’re involved with someone who deliberately dupes you, they are not honest and because if they were, it is highly likely that you would bounce.
This doesn’t remove our own responsibility to assess the situation. However, when someone is running rings around you; blowing hot and cold, contradicting their actions and words and making out like you have it twisted, you may begin to doubt yourself.
Uncovering lies and deception can be mind boggling. You may end up going over every word, feel as though your eyes, ears and mind were deceiving you. You might have defended them. You might have listened to them vehemently deny what turns out to be the truth. When you begin to play things back in your mind, you are trying to determine fact from fiction.
I’ve come across an ever increasing number of people who have explicitly known that they were involved with someone who has a somewhat shady relationship with the truth. What is attraction to someone who can’t even be honest with themselves? In a nutshell, they all believed that their love and faith would cause this person to make them the exception and treat them differently to everybody else that they have ever duped. Moreover, I have heard that it’s the situation that makes the person lie and deceive. Yes you read that correctly – it is the circumstances that have made someone dishonest. Really?! The subtext of this assertion is that it’s OK to lie and deceive in certain circumstances, especially if love is involved. If this is your real belief, and you are being true to yourself, then by all means continue. If it isn’t, then this is the beginnings of making exceptions and gradually eroding your own morals and boundaries.
When people lie and deceive, they share information on a need-to-know basis. They might drip-feed the truth (which is confusing because you think that the ‘drip’ is all of the truth, when it is not). That’s the problem with lying – it is incredibly difficult to know whether you’re standing in reality or only standing on the ‘portion’ of reality that has been admitted. I have further question – how does someone who has told a whole load of lies and deceived even know that they’re telling themselves the truth? Some don’t even see it as lies. Excuses and justifications aside, the bottom line is that lying and deceiving are forms of control and ergo, a form of abusive behaviour.
Lies and deception hurt. They hurt those around them who get duped and run over in the process and they hurt you if you participate in the madness. If you want to live your life authentically, stick to your values. It can be hard to face the fact that someone has not been truthful, but to continue to have blind faith in them doesn’t help you or them.
In my opinion, it is healthier to state and live our truth rather than spend time deceiving ourselves in order to hold onto people who are deceiving us. If you are living your own truth, it becomes impossible to live someone else’s lie.